Our dog is old and creaky now, and when he gets out of his bed he wobbles slightly, like an old man. I know he's an old dog and that there will come a time when we don't have a dog any more. But sometimes, he runs and runs with wild abandon and looks like a puppy again (despite the grey muzzle).
Today at the beach I watched him canter along in one of these moods and suddenly thought about Neville and my friend's dog who died on the same day as Neville and is similarly deeply mourned.
I know that the only way out of the grief you're feeling now is through it, but I wish you so much joy in the future with whatever dog chooses you, and in the meantime I hope the gaps between the pain-waves get steadily longer.