I wish you all the strength in the world, Kat - you WILL do it this time. Every time you're tempted to look back, just think of your little boy and of the fact that there's a future where you wake up every day with no dread and a calm mind. That's what helped me - even when I was at my lowest ebb, I knew that one day I wouldn't be. It's the same for you. I believe in you and it doesn't matter how many times you've said it before. This time is THE time.